Straight Talk Advice

Mar 14, 2007

Insecurities could drive faithful boyfriend away

Dear Straight Talk: I’m 16 and I’ve been going out with “Daniel” for seven months. We get along really well. We say we love each other and he makes me smile even if I’m having a bad day. We live three hours apart and see each other a lot on the weekends, but during the week his sister has her friends over and I worry that he will get together with one of them. I am confused to the point that I wonder whether to stay with him or not. I talked to him about it and he said that there is nothing to worry about, that he loves me and always will. How can I tell if he is being faithful to me? Please pass this along to your teen panel. Many thanks.—Callie, North Carolina


Dear Callie: How do we know if our partner is being faithful? This question has been asked through the ages by both males and females alike. For your situation, I can’t improve on the advice given by the teen panel.


From Mary, 16: I think you are overreacting. You have to trust him, that’s part of being in a relationship. If he says there is nothing to worry about and that he loves you, then believe him. If you can’t believe him, then don’t be with him. It’s that simple. A relationship is based not only on love, you have to have understanding and trust as well. So trust him, take that leap of faith in him.


From Farren, 19: Unless there are problems in your relationship that you didn’t mention, the only issue is your insecurity. You have taken the first steps in fixing that by communicating your concern to your partner. Yet, he says there is no reason to worry and that he loves you. Trust is very important in a relationship and if he hasn’t given you a reason to distrust him, tell him you just need reassurance. Jealousy is common when other women enter the picture, so I believe he will understand.


I am also in a long-distance relationship and behaviors that make me feel secure can be very small, such as a phone call or text message. 


From Elizabeth, 18: I’ve been faithful to my long-distance boyfriend for two years but we’ve had rough spots concerning other girls. One girl in particular had been his friend for four years before we met. They worked together every year at a summer camp for kids. During our first summer together she was constantly dropping hints that she was interested despite the fact that he was seeing me. He finally quit the camp and refused her calls so as not to jeopardize our relationship. Whenever I have my doubts, I think about times like that and know my boyfriend will do the right thing. So, if your boyfriend says he loves you and he hasn’t done anything to make you suspicious, just give him room and trust him. Don’t let your doubts push him away.


From Shelby, 15: If you want a guy to stay with you here are my rules: Don’t go out with a guy who bounces from girl to girl. Make sure you can carry on a conversation with him—to stay together, the relationship needs to be intellectual, too. Treat him with the same respect that you want.


From Hannah, 15: There aren’t specific behaviors that make a girl (or guy) feel secure. Anything can make you jealous if you let it. For example, seeing the comment, “Had fun last weekend!” on your boyfriend’s MySpace page can make you automatically assume he is cheating. My point is this: if you are programmed to assume the worst, then nothing your boyfriend can say or do will change your mind.


From Lennon, 20: Don’t begin doubting your boyfriend’s faithfulness unless you have good reason to. When people get suspicious they tend to stop talking. A relationship with stunted communication is like a butterfly without wings. It will flounder and die.

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