Straight Talk Advice

Apr 15, 2014

How does a shy guy ask a girl to prom?

Dear Straight Talk: I'm a junior and small for my age. I would like to ask this girl to prom, but she is quiet and I can't tell if she likes me or not. I've never asked a girl out and don't understand how guys get up the nerve. My friends are hopeless geeks and no help. Is it okay to ask her on Facebook? I don't have her phone number. How have other less-popular guys handled asking a girl out? —Shy guy in Lodi, Calf.

Taylor 17, Santa Rosa, Calif. Ask me a question

If she's shy, don't make it a big production. Do something quiet but meaningful. Bring flowers, or send a note to her class asking to excuse her. If you aren't sure she likes you, you can still ask and go as friends. It's an opportunity to get to know each other. Good luck!

Chuck 19, Toledo, Ohio Ask me a question

The first time asking a girl out is incredibly hard! I remember hiding in my closet, shaking as my hand held the phone to my ear. That this absolutely requires courage cannot be overstated. I can't stress enough, DO NOT USE FACEBOOK!!! It seems easier, but that night you have to face HER — and the awkwardness from contacting her through text. That said, if you absolutely cannot ask her verbally, write a note, decorate her locker, build a website, do something that shows creativity.

Warren 24, Nashville, Mich. Ask me a question

I had trouble just talking to girls. What helped was reminding myself: She's a person, just like me. Definitely ask her in person. It's harder but it means more, I promise. Just be upfront. Ask if she has any plans for prom. If she doesn't, ask if she'd like go with you. If she says no, or she's busy, no big deal. There will be more proms and dances.

Chris 25, Washington, D.C. Ask me a question

I still get nervous asking some girls out! Keep perspective: For every girl who says no, 10 will say yes. Don't overthink it. Keep it simple and do it! Definitely ask her in person. She'll either say yes — or no. After hearing 'no' over and over, you pick up little tricks. Flashback: Middle school. I'm rollerskating. The DJ calls “Couples Skate.” I'm shy and scrambling to exit the rink when this girl asks ME! We must have skated 10 laps in complete silence, as I could not form a single sentence! Moral of the story: Build some sort of relationship BEFORE asking her out.

Christina 21, Marysville, Calif. Ask me a question

Ask her when she's alone in a public place where people aren't standing around. It's scary, but it'll be easier next time. I love thoughtful stuff. Have a pretty flower (doesn't have to be a rose or her favorite) to give when you ask. Don't go all out, just something sweet and thoughtful. Girls: Be considerate of the courage it took the guy to ask you.

Sarah 16, Monclova, Ohio Ask me a question

Definitely don't ask over text or Facebook! It's too impersonal. If you've been talking, incorporate something you know she likes into the invite — or put it in her locker. Don't be extravagant, something small and personal is best! If she says no, don't beat yourself up. Prom is fun without a date, too!

Dear Shy Guy: You heard the unanimous verdict: Ask her in person. You won't die, I promise! In fact, you will have faced an important challenge, and regardless of outcome, you win just by doing it. Avoid a note if you can — they can leave you wondering if they were received. You can do this! Keep it simple (she's quiet), sweet (add flowers), and straightforward (Warren's script). Breathe deep… and go for it!

Editor's Note: Fear of rejection is extremely common and probably the biggest reason we don't work for and go after our dreams.

I want to introduce you to Jia Jiang's "Rejection Therapy". Jiang so wanted to get over his fear of rejection that he gave himself 100 days in a row where he set himself up for rejection. The idea: The more he got used to rejection, the more it would roll off his back, and the braver he would become, eventually being brave enough to ask for and ultimately get what he wanted out of life. His site is really inspirational! All 100 days of rejection are really good, and he has some organized under "dating."

Check out Rejection 35, "Ask a Girl out to Dinner" (scroll down under dating). His conclusion is exactly how it works: "...there is a woman (my future wife), who is a perfect match for me, would love me and be attracted to me. I just haven’t met her yet. So even if I get rejected 100 more times, I shouldn’t be discouraged, because I simply need to keep looking to find my wife." —Jia Jiang

Readers: Let today be a day when you challenge yourself to ask for something that very well will be rejected. Then, savor the rejection, knowing it just moved you to 2nd base! Tomorrow, try it again. If you practice on things that don't matter so much, before you know it, you will be able to ask for the things that do matter, knowing that rejection won't dash your hopes of getting them eventually. —Lauren

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  1. By Breele, age 20, from Dana Point, Calif. on 04/17/2014

    Don’t ask her on Facebook or any other way besides face to face. Seriously raises your chances 100%. And even if she does say no for whatever reason she’ll remember you in a very good, classy light. This is a real life rule to live by too, after high school and college. Walking up to a girl shows confidence and confidence is sexy. Good luck :).

    Reply to this comment

  2. By Melinda, age 16, from Santa Rosa, CA on 04/17/2014

    Get up your courage and ask her!  If it’s your first time asking a girl out, it will be hard, but you’ll be over your first time and it will be easier in the future.  Last year, my sister spent all of her prom weekend lying around our room in just her thong depressed and crying that nobody had asked her to the prom.  She’s very shy and there was a shy guy she liked and she thought that he liked her but she didn’t know how to send him the message.  Afterwards, I heard from a friend of his sister’s that he really wanted to ask her to the prom but was too scared at the thought of rejection.  How sad! They both sat at home sad when they could have gone to the prom together and probably had a great time.  And I recommend asking her in person.  My sister would have been thrilled if he had asked her even if it had been on Facebook, but would have been even happier to be asked in person.

    Melinda

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