Straight Talk Advice

Daughter’s camel toe stomping on Dad’s nerves

Nov 03, 2015

Camel toe “epidemic” invites rampant objectification

Dear Straight Talk: I hope you can help. I’m a single dad; my wife left us years ago. My daughter recently lost weight and is feeling good about herself. All summer she was wearing denim shorts like all the girls wear now. I was uncomfortable with their tight fit, but didn't say anything. She is 18, but still young and I don't want to damage our relationship. With the colder weather, she’s wearing jeans now, yet every pair continues to show the outline of her labia. Is this something she realizes? Or unavoidable? How would I even talk to her about it? Should I let it go? Any advice is appreciated. —Dayton, Ohio

Brandon 23, Mapleton, Maine Ask me a question

The era of yoga pants and skin-tight denim, coupled with thong underwear, has created a camel toe epidemic. It is increasingly considered hip and sexy. I remember in high school, guys talking about good camel toes and bad “moose knuckles”. Some women are ignorant that guys think of this sexually. It’s not necessarily a sign of promiscuity and I’m all for women’s empowerment, but your daughter needs to decide if this fashion choice empowers her or makes her another ogled objectified girl.

Karlee 18, Bentleyville, Pennsylvania Ask me a question

Sorry, but I feel uncomfortable even thinking about this scenario. Basically, I wouldn't try to have a camel toe, but if you're short on time and throw on some leggings, people need to get over the fact that you have a particular female body part. It's like when someone comments on bra straps, as if no one knew girls wore bras.

Samantha 23, Toledo, Ohio Ask me a question

When I was in high school, the camel toe was made fun of. I played volleyball in those skimpy spandex shorts. My teammates and I were always asking each other if we had one. It wasn't till 20 that a guy pointed out my camel toe when I was wearing tight athletic pants saying how “sexy” it was. Your daughter, looking pretty cute these days, has probably received similar comments. Her self-esteem boosted a bit, I'd say she’s dressing this way on purpose. (With denim, you know.) Start by complimenting her lifestyle changes and remind her that beauty also comes from within and doesn't require a guy's attention. If the exposure continues, set a rule without judgment.

Nicole 25, San Luis Obispo, California Ask me a question

Loving and supporting her regardless of her attention-seeking behavior will, in the long run, be most helpful for your daughter’s self-esteem. I predict she will outgrow this.

Brie 24, London, England Ask me a question

The camel toe is definitely not something I aspire toward. It’s an unfortunate effect of leggings, which most girls wear regularly. If my dad pointed this out to me, I would be mortified, however, it depends on the relationship. To solve the problem, maybe rock some super-tight pants yourself. Or take her shopping somewhere classy like Nordstrom or J.Crew where a salesperson can help her find sexy pants that fit properly. Lacking a female role model for how to dress, this would be helpful.

Dear Dayton Dad: The camel toe is stomping on many parents’ nerves right now. It's no oasis even for moms. As the panel reports, this former faux pas has become not just common, but somewhat hip — which, parent alert — doesn’t mean you should allow it. This isn't female empowerment but a fashion trend that invites objectification and intimacy disorders. The trick to discipline is to completely leave out character attacks or assumptions. You simply set a rule or standard saying it's your job. Kids (grudgingly) respect that when the rule isn’t draconian, which this is far from. Taking her shopping at a classy store with knowledgeable staff shows both your resolve and goodwill.

  1. By S.B., age 17, from Santa Ana, CA on 11/03/2015

    Add my name to those who are very sorry to see Straight Talk coming to an end.  I guess that all good things must end some day, but I wish that day was much further in the future for Straight Talk.

    My 16 year old sister was overweight and worked hard to slim down through diet and exercise.  She now has a great figure and I am proud of her.  Guys are also starting to take notice of her as they never did before.  The sad thing is that she feels the need to show off her great figure by wearing tight short shorts and tight jeans that give her a “camel toe.”  She also wears tops that show maximum cleavage, barely covering her nipples but not much else.  It really bothers me to see her this way because I think it makes her look slutty and that she would be more attractive to guys if she didn’t overexpose herself so much. My boyfriend has confirmed this both with regard to girls in general and her in particular.  It probably sounds strange, but we share a room and as sisters are totally comfortable with complete nudity in front of each other.  However, even though it doesn’t bother me to see her completely nude, it does really bother me to see her dressed in a way that gives her a camel toe and overly exposes her cleavage.  I guess it is because as I said this makes her look slutty while nudity between sisters in the privacy of their bedroom does not.

    Goodbye, Straight Talk.  You will be missed.

    S.B.

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  2. By J.M., age 16, from Carmichael, CA on 11/04/2015

    I agree that this makes a girl look slutty, not sexy.  My stepsister wears jeans that not only give her a camel toe, but also expose her butt crack.  I find it revolting, even though similar to what S.B. says, we have no problem with nudity in front of each other when we share a room on visitations.

    However why is it only girls who get criticized for this?  I’ve seen many guys wearing jeans so tight in the crotch that you can see the outline of their dicks and I find this just as bad as a girl with a camel toe, but you don’t hear anyone complaining.  One more example of the double standard.

    J.M.

    P.S.  I am also sad to see Straight Talk ending.

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    1. By Billy, age 15, from Lodi, California on 11/05/2015

      I have 2 sisters who are 17 and 14 and my older sister dresses very similar to this and has a “camel toe” much of the time and also exposes her crack.  It also bugs me to see her this way, and the talk at school is that the guys consider her a slut even though she thinks she’s making herself attractive and I hate being known as the brother of a slut.  Things have improved over the way they used to be as both my sisters used to walk around in their thongs and go to the shower naked right in front of me like I’ve read about in Straight Talk and I was too ashamed and embarrassed to say anything.  But our mom finally realized that I shouldn’t be seeing them this way and put a stop to it and now they keep to their room with the door closed when their undressed and put on a robe when they go to take a shower.  It’s true like J.M. says that some guys (not me) also wear jeans too tight in the crotch and nobody thinks it’s that big a deal.  Maybe it is a double standard, but everyone is much more judgmental when it’s a girl.  Whether it’s right or wrong, that’s the way it is. 

      I also read Straight Talk every week and will also miss you.

      Billy

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      1. By Mike, age 16, from Petaluma, CA on 11/08/2015

        My sisters also dress this way, wearing clothes that give them a camel toe, expose their butt cracks, and expose 95% of their boobs.  It makes me sick to see them this way.  Unlike Billy’s sisters, they still haven’t stopped walking around the house naked or in their thongs in front of me.  It may sound weird, but seeing them dressed like sluts actually makes me more uncomfortable than seeing them naked or just in their thongs.  I wish that they would stay in their room if they want to be naked or in their thongs where they would just see each other and there’s no problem with that since they’re sisters.  However, I wish even more that they would dress more respectably.

        Mike

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  3. By Kat49, age 49, from texas on 11/05/2015

    Hi everyone this is my personal opinion on this topic. I am talking for women 18 (legal age) and older not juveniles okay. I am a 49 year old married mom of 2 boys..no girls thankfully! lol I keep myself in nice shape for a woman almost 50 years of age. I do not wear yoga pants or tights out except to exercise and when I do I have a shirt that usually comes to crotch level or lower. I do however wear jeans a lot and wear them “form fitting” meaning not super skin tight and not baggy loose but as jeans and denim clothing often fit. Many of my jeans define my rear end, hips, legs, and front crotch area-which is nothing horrible it is just how form fitting denim fits us women, it is nothing intentional or on purpose or for attention. Yes I realize sometimes that the front seam or cut of the jeans may outline or make noticeable the female private part there but to me it is no different then a form fitting blouse or shirt doing the same for women’s breasts. I personally do not wear jeans for this attention I wear them because I feel good in them and think they look good on me-the complete package not just the “camel-toe” as was labeled here. The fact is this- I am a woman I have breasts buttocks and labia okay they might be outlined or defined unintentionally but you cannot actually see these parts. Recently I was wearing very nice dressy classy tighter fitting dark blue jeans and although I wasn’t paying close attention I suppose they outlined or defined my Labia because I did see a couple men’s eyes go there as well as my face and general figure. Could they see anything really? No. Was it revealing like they could see through the denim material? No. It cannot be helped sometimes when wearing certain clothing I don’t think its a big deal and I myself do not do it intentionally or for attention. Really. Thanks for listening, Kat.

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  4. By Gina, age 19, from NY, NY on 11/05/2015

    This question is for Samantha’s comment. im 19 female and experience cameltoe showing a lot when I wear tight jeans and yoga pants and I don’t want it to its not like Im doing it on purpose. Does it happen more because a girl is shaved underneath or doesn’t that matter?

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  5. By Cindy, age 16, from Vacaville, CA on 11/06/2015

    Our dad left our mom for a younger woman.  Our mom therefore thinks the way to find a new man is to try to look 20 years younger and dresses in very tight pants and jeans that give her a camel toe and exposes her crack and tops that show off her boobs.  It doesn’t make her look younger, it just makes her look stupid, and my sister and I find it very embarrassing when our friends see her this way and they all laugh at her behind her back.  Since our house is now all female, all 3 of us are pretty casual about nudity around the house and it doesn’t bother any of us to see each other nude and my sister had always been very casual in our room anyway.  However, as others have written, it DOES bother us to see her dressed this way as it makes her look like a 40 year old slut!  This has not caused men her age to be attracted to her (surprise, surprise), but for some reason she just doesn’t get it.

    My sister and I read Straight Talk every week and have found it very valuable, so we will also miss you.  We are both straight, but we have a gay friend so we appreciate the many columns that have been written in support of people like her.  She’s had sleepovers in our room many times, so we already knew that undressing and nudity with someone who happens to be gay is not a problem, but many people do see it as a problem, so it has been good to see a column like Straight Talk help to dispel this myth.

    Cindy

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    1. By Daniel, age 18, from L.A. on 01/12/2017

      Damn. Honestly, I don’t know who doesn’t find that attractive. Everyone on here commenting that guys at schools and in public don’t think this is attractive clearly have never been to my school. If a girl dressed like that here, she’d be considered slutty yes, but also attractive. By the way, what’s your mom’s phone number?

      Just kidding. That would be weird :P

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  6. By Charlotte, age 41, from Toledo, Ohio on 11/07/2015

    I refuse to allow my teenage daughters to wear shorts and pants that are so tight as to give them a “cammeltoe” or tops that expose too much cleavage.  They plead with me that this is what “all the girls” wear.  However, I do not accept this.  First of all, I do not believe that “everyone is doing it” is a valid excuse for anything, including this.  Secondly, it is not even true.  While some teenage girls do dress this way, from what I have seen the majority do not. 

    I have also found Straight Talk to be very valuable as the mother of teenagers and never miss a column.  As the others have written, I will also miss it and hope that the past columns will remain online as a valuable resource.  I plan to make a contribution to help make this happen.  I can’t afford a huge amount but will do what I can and if many others do the same, I hope there will be enough.

    My daughters are straight, but I have a stepdaughter who happens to be gay, so I have also especially appreciated the columns supportive of gay teenagers.  My stepdaughter is a very sweet girl and we have become so close that she has started calling me “Mom” which I find very touching.  It really saddens me to see her facing the kind of cruel treatment that others have described in Straight Talk.  My own daughters were nervous about sharing their room with her on visitations right in the beginning due to the “undressing” issue that has been written about at length in Straight Talk.  However, it only took a few times for them to realize that they had nothing to worry about.  They are now completely comfortable with undressing and nudity with their stepsister and they all get along wonderfully sharing a room during visitations.

    Charlotte

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  7. By Doug, age 50, from Phoenix, AZ, USA on 11/07/2015

    As a parent, I too am disappointed to see Straight Talk go away.  I have found this forum to be invaluable as I am able to read about challenges teens and parents are facing and recognize I am not alone.  It is also great to read the opinions and comments of the great teens and other young people who contribute as it helps me to better understand my own kids. Sorry to see you go, ST.

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  8. By Vera, age 39, from Auburn, California on 11/08/2015

    I feel that it is inappropriate for either a teenage girl or a teenage boy to wear pants or shorts so tight as to emphasize the genital area, and as the mother of 17 year old twin boy-girl twins, I do not allow either one to dress this way.  However, it is true that there is a double standard as I have heard many people be critical and judgmental of girls who dress this way, but not boys. 

    As a single mother of a teenage son, I face similar issues that single fathers face with teenage daughters.  I can discuss issues related to female sexuality with my daughter as well as see her nude.  However, I am not comfortable discussing male issues with my son and don’t feel qualified to have such discussions with him in any event.  His father is totally out of the picture and there are no other close male relatives either, as my father is deceased and I have 2 sisters, but no brothers.  The twins are still comfortable with sharing a room and with undressing and nudity, although my son would never allow me to see him this way.  Yes, I have read the Straight Talk columns that say that this can be unhealthy.  I therefore suggested getting a privacy partition as was recommended.  However, they said that they did not want to divide their room and that they would not use it, so I have left things as they are since they insist that they are comfortable with the arrangement.  I have asked my daughter to inform me if she notices any issues with her brother’s body that I should know about.  However, I’m not sure that she would actually tell on him.  I also don’t know how I would handle it if there was an issue that would require me to see him undressed.

    I have been reading Straight Talk for a long time and have found it very valuable, so I will also miss you very much as I know of no other column/Internet site that provides such valuable information to teens and parents of teens.

    Vera

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  9. By Quizaclepaul46, age 46, from Harrisburg, PA on 10/20/2016

    I’m a 46 year old guy, single guy
    Its 2016 approaching 2017. I have traveled the majority of the country and noticed the cameltoe epidemic has grown even more. As a guy I enjoy seeing a womans body, naked, clothed, and various degrees in between.
    And yes, I admit I look at womens cameltoe maybe too much. Unless a girl is a complete shut in they all know what clothes do what, they see other females wearing something and want to wear it too, weather it actually looks good on them or not. Case in point which is more inappropriate, skin tights on a slim (acceptable figure) or a very obese figure. Most guys (not all) would admit they would rather the obese woman at the very least wear a longer shirt. Its funny some girls wear certain clothes to attracy attention fro only certain guys and get upset only when “the other guys” look at them is that also a double standard?
    Listen, these things that we do to attract the opposite (sometime the same) sex is primal and its tough to deny the instincts, the urge to show our pretty feathers.
    A part of the problem is we are losing the ability to sense the pharamones that our bodies emit when we are attracred to each other possibly because of all the chemicals we expose ouselves to.
    As children, no they should not be exposing the outline of certain part of their respective gender weather its nipples, butts, or vulva. Its up to the parents to teach them self respect and if the parent is absent its up to a friends parent or even the school councilour. Most schools have dress codes concerning appropriate clothing.
    Its sad however that the same isnt expected at church. I have been to Catholic, Baptist, Prespeterian, Protestant, and a bunch of others and its unbelievable how many women wear prevocative clothing at services. Everything from short skirts, to booty shorts, daisy dukes too, to skin tight pants.
    So is it right or is it wrong? I believe its inevitable
    How many people remember when it was inappropriate to show your ankles? Then your knees, then your cleavage, then your butcheeks, then your but crack.
    If you make it taboo, people will try to push the limits
    It is what it is.
    Or we can all wear burkas (no offense intended)

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